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So a common theme in my blog posts from early 2021 was a lot of me feeling bad for myself and really victimizing myself. Although it was rightfully so (I mean I was going through it) it didn't really help in any way. If anything, I felt even worse just focusing on all the negatives, the ways I was wronged, and all my intrusive thoughts. Obviously, that is something that comes with depression, its a condition and it causes you to constantly put yourself down. Plus everything was so fresh at the time, I couldn't do anything else. However, now I am honestly so fucking tired of feeling sorry for myself. I just want to get back on track, and stop focusing so much on others and whether the universe hates me and all that bullshit.
Now, I've had a year of life-changing experiences, time to reflect, different perspectives, therapy, and medication, so that is probably how I got here, but I am finally holding myself accountable. This isn't in respect to anyone or anything, it is in respect to myself. 2021 was a very bitter year for me, and although outside factors contributed to it, for the most part it was my own fault. I was always thinking of all the bad outcomes, and how I was constantly getting fucked over that I would just attract all this negative energy. Obviously if you go into a situation thinking it's going to be terrible, you will be anxious the entire time, be reserved, and then you yourself will allow that moment to result in a bad outcome. Rather, if you go in and acknowledge that maybe this wasn't what you wanted to do, but you're going to be grateful and positive about it regardless, maybe it won't be a bad outcome, and not even a good outcome, but just an outcome. You are in control of your life. It took me a while, but I finally realized that the Universe isn't out to get me. The Universe or God or whoever or whatever you believe in or don't believe in does not have time to make a naughty list. Your life is in your hands and you get to chose how you deal with the cards you are dealt.
These are my New Year's Resolutions:
- Read my 10 Affirmations every night and every morning
- Write down 10 things I'm grateful for at the end of each day
- Volunteer or donate to an animal shelter at least once a month
- Do 6-12 Surya Namaskars every day
- Meditate every day
- Workout at least 3 times a week
- Go to bed by 1 am
- Wake up by 11am
- Take medications regularly
- Lose weight healthily
- Go to therapy once a week
- Stop second guessing myself
- Manage my money better
- At least 1 blog post every 2 weeks
- Do 1 second everyday
- Read 1 book a month
- Find my people
- Love myself and my body
- Forgive and Forget
- Live in the moment
In order to make this year different, or not even this year, just make my life moving forward different, there are a number of things I am doing. For one, I'm not going to beat myself up if I forget to do something or I don't make progress as quickly as I would like to. Everything takes time, and you need to cut yourself some slack, it is impossible to go from 0 to 100. I can tell you already, I have forgotten to write down what I'm grateful for for the past week, and I still wake up at noon. Progress isn't linear. It's going to take time and it's going to happen gradually. But I know that I will make it happen, the only way it will happen, is if I believe in myself, and hold myself accountable. I am also making sure that I do everything with good intentions. I gained a lot of weight this past year, and one of my goals is to lose it. However, since I do have a history of an eating disorder, I am going to make sure I do it healthily. That means maintaining a good relationship with my body and with food. I am not exercising to burn calories, but rather to take care of my body and feel good. I am going to eat healthy, but I am also going to enjoy what I eat and not restrict. By acknowledging your past and your mistakes, but choosing to learn from it rather than dwell on it, you can make effective changes to your life.
I was able to come to all these conclusions and change my life with the help of a much needed vacation on the beach and a book: "You are a Badass" by Jen Sincero. I can not recommend this book enough. Please read it if you can, if not I will continue sharing my journey and my tips to changing my mindset with the help of this book on my blog.
